If I Were A Car

As I dragged myself out of bed this morning, at 5.50/6am (im not too sure), I began my day with the same routine as the day before. Put on contacts, brush teeth, make sure gym bag all packed and make sure theres always an extra pair of socks in the bag (not too sure why i do this either). As I was giving the ol' pearlys a bit of shine (i.e brushing my teeth for those not in the know, or just dirrrrty minded), i thought, hey, how cool would it be if i could have like a narrator narrating what im doing. And then as i made the drive to the gym, even more sillier thoughts came to mind

"If I were a car, what would I be?" I asked myself as I sped through Federal Highway. It turns out i woke up at 6.20, and needed to rush to the gym by 7.10 if i were to ever have a substantially beneficial gym session.

what would I be ?

Due to my size, not a kancil definitely. Not a Kelisa because well, no. Im not a MyVi because im not practical.

Im not a Proton, again, size, and the fact that I may be actually be well built then some of em ( I drive a Proton, I KNOW what im talking about). Im definitely a bigger tyoe of car.

So i thought and thought and thought, I'm not a Camry, i mean, im not blowing my own horn now, but I am not THAT boring. I'm not a Honda Civic because Im not that sporty. So that rules out Alfa Romeos (as much as i would like to think Im sporty or sexy like the Alfa GT or the Brera Coupe, the line has to be drawn somewhere).

Before you guys say it, no, Im not a Innova, Unser, Vannette, or any MPV of any kind. That's just rude.

And neither am I a Lambo or a Ferarri because well, I'm not exactly known for my sporting prowess. And I'm not a Hilux or a pickup truck because I'm not really a handy man. I mean, I change tyres and lightbulbs but im useless at installing air conds and carpentry. So thats out as well.

I'm not a volvo because I dont think Im safety-minded, and I'm not a BMW because again, I'm not exactly sporty. And besides, BMWs these days look a bit 'challenging' - just like the girls i used to date, but hey, thats another story for another day.

Im no Merc because Im not that luxurious, I'm not a Ford because I'm not exactly normal am I? I'm not an Evo, although I do make a lot of noise, and I'm not a Skyline because well, its a bit, erm, square?

I'm not a Renault coz im not eccentric, and not a Citroen because i dont break down most of the time ( i do break down but not often). A Maserati, well, thats just gorgeous but that ain't me. Fiats got style, and so do I, but i think im a bit more reliable.

So that kinda narrows me down to a few more marques, and with that, I decided, if i was ever a car, I am a Land Rover Defender.

Its not the most beautiful of cars, its not the most reliable of cars and it doesnt go very fast.

But it will go on and on and on and will take up any shit thats thrown at it. Granted, it will break down, and the Toyota Pickup (choice of UN for its indestructibility) will get there first. But unlike the Toyota who knows its indestructible, the beauty of the Land Rover is that it isnt the best, but somehow for some weird reason, ends up getting somewhere (if not the destination!) And honestly, this thing has got style.

After all, under UK Law, it is classified under 'Weapons' and therefore its exports are controlled. Its used by the best special forces in the world (SAS), and is used in most military units worldwide.

And hey, if its good enough for the queen, its good enough for me.